bheja fry....

When ma got angry she grew silent and icy and not one of us , including Baba dared to open our mouths . Such occasions were very infrequent and I can actually count the number of times that she was pathologically angry at anyone and that was twice - once when Jyathamoshai's wife locked herself up in thakuma's bedroom and the poor soul couldnt get to her clothes and the bathroom and once when there was a fracas over the booking of a gas cylinder - (in those days we used to call it Burshane because that was Bharatgas when it was vintage Shell ) ,a minor incident but with major proportions which involved a lot of angry words by Ma and placating by Baba . However that did not stop her from taking the cane to me very often - or making me sit in a corner when I was an infant - things we didnt do with our kids when they were small ..because we thought it would inhibit them from something , Im not quite sure what .. so now Im arbitrarily authoritative when it suits me to - it also suits me to spoil my girls - I assume a grudging manner , but Im secretly delighted to buy loads of books , music, unappreciated jewellery ( when they learn to value quantity over quality the stuff will come in handy ) appreciated jewelley , cakes,chocolates and other assrted blah blahs - I used to love surprising them but now Im surprised at their surprise over my childishness .......

Im sure Ma would have loved to spoil me had she been a working woman . When she used to come back from her grocery shopping , she often had some comics with her or an Angela Brazil or a Chalet School novel . ..I still treasure those books because they link me with an evening in Kolkata in my childhood , with Ma , with a memory of Ma speeding down Gariahat with me in tow , little things which didn't matter overmuch then , or at all , in the middle of adolescent turbulence and a general hatred of parents and authority but which keep coming back now to pester me with pricks of nostalgia and sadness .

After a certain age and when one is an ageing orphan why is nostalgia always sad ? AGs memories are all full of fun but that is perhaps because all the main points of reference are still alive .