Notwithstanding the fact that a very sexy Johnny Depp does a marvellous quick thinking, swashbuckling scallawag of a buccaneer with his braided beard , rasta locks , kohl lined eyes and swish walk , I ate my way through half a regular buttered popcorn and a quarter of nachos and disgusting cheese dip and I am ashamed to say fell asleep through the noisiest part of the film and thereby missed much of the barnacled mayhem that took place somewhere after the interval and woke to find a gigantic Calypso dissloving into millions of crabs - why crabs ? Why not lobsters , crayfish or some other species of crustacean ?
And oh wonder of wonders , I was so busy appraising the ponytail on a tall tubby middleaged gent that I missed the lady with him . This when the rest of the family had checked her out with reference to her background .
Must have been the cheese dip .
No , maybe the nachos
nope - then it MUST have been the chicken stuffed with cottage cheese and olives in herb and asparagus sauce with a small compote of cauliflower , broccoli and runner beans that I ate with such relish at Oh Calcutta!